Back to Blog

Let Go. You Aren't in Charge!

inner-peace surrender

I used to believe that I am in charge.

Ok, so I am responsible for what I eat, my thoughts, and my actions, but I am not able to control ANYTHING outside of myself.

Not even when my darling, messy-moo husband chooses to leave random stuff laying around instead of putting it back where it all “belongs”. Sigh.

Oh how the ego LOVES to try and control everything! It makes many misguided attempts to be “in charge” of life in order to feel safe and secure.

The reality is that trying be in control just creates a lot of anxiety, stress, and physical body tension (which when ignored leads to major illnesses).

It truly is beating your head against the wall because you are trying to change that which you aren’t responsible for in the first place.

People get all bent out of shape because of the weather.

How many brides-to-be endlessly stress about rain on their wedding day? How many people have angry melt-downs at the airport because their flight was delayed due to a massive snow storm?

People stay in a toxic job HOPING that their demeaning boss will get transferred someplace else. Meanwhile, they dread going to work every day and get knots in their stomach every time the boss needs to “speak to” them.

People go on rants about other people’s political or religious beliefs and try to convince them to change their beliefs. Have you tried to change someone else’s opinion of who they think should be president? How’d that go?

The list goes on…

  • traffic
  • shipping delays
  • pandemics
  • the economy

I have a good, personal example for you…

Back in 2012 I decided to change MY eating habits because I was experiencing physical health problems, felt like crap, and didn’t want to be on meds anymore.

Once I did all the research and started to see the benefits of getting sugar, grains, and dairy out of my diet, I tried to impose my new eating lifestyle on my husband at the time (now my ex) due to his cancer history.

I then would stress over HIS eating habits, forgetting that I am not in charge or responsible for HIM. Yup, I became a nag.

I constantly worried about him getting sick again and what would happen as a result. And in the end, it was really MY body that was screaming at me.

I honestly thought I was going to get stomach cancer or something if I didn’t change because I had knots the size of Texas down there. Then it would be ME with the cancer problem! Now THAT would be a good smack-in-the-ass from the Universe, right??

Once I realized what I was doing, I finally got that trying to control everything wasn’t serving me all that well.

Being In Control Versus Being Responsible For Yourself

I fully believe that we are 100% responsible for our lives. We are responsible for our choices, the way that we think, and how we behave.

But being “responsible” is very different than believing that you are in control of all.

You have no power over the forces that be, but you do have power over how you respond, think about the situation, and what you do to adapt.

The word “control” has a very forceful energy to it. Something is being forced, controlled by another entity. Whereas “responsibility” suggests ownership, consciousness, and empowerment.

A car is controlled by a driver; the driver is in charge of the car’s navigation. But a RESPONSIBLE driver obeys traffic laws as to do no intentional harm to others.

I know this is really semantics, but words and the energy around them are important to me. Call control / being in charge / responsibility what you want.

The key is understanding what it is your power and what isn’t.

Finding Peace In Surrender

As I started to be acutely aware of my actions, I needed a way to RELEASE the need to control.

I tried many different avenues, but I ended up finding the most peace by SURRENDERING to Spirit.

The word surrender has many meanings, and often times people confuse surrendering to Spirit has a way of giving up and deciding to be a helpless victim of life.

From a spiritual perspective that’s not what surrender means. It means letting go, going with the flow, and simply allowing what is to happen to happen.

Surrender is definitely an art, and it takes practice. It’s really a belief that the Universe has your back, even when things don’t go your way.

It’s realizing that all things - the good, bad, and ugly- happen for a reason.

Whenever I find myself burdened by something, I ask Source to help me act on what I am responsible for yet release that which I cannot control.

My surrender practice has come in exceptionally handy in 2020.  It’s been a year of change and loss for many reasons.

Like most people I’ve lost some semblance of a social life, the ability to freely travel, face-to-face time with family, and a decline in household income as most of my clients came to me via public speaking events and my husband’s business involved travel and in-person workshops and seminars.

We also had to put down three of our fur babies for various old-age, terminal illnesses. We were literally the house of cat death. Ugh!

If I still operated from a place of needing to control, then I would have spent much of this past year living with tremendous anxiety and stress.

But instead, I surrendered to the divine wisdom of the Universe. She knows exactly what she’s doing, and who am I to say what’s right or wrong?

Shoot, a lot of times what I think is right for me and ends up being so very wrong.

It is much more peaceful to embrace what comes my way, even death and loss. And to find wisdom and gratitude for what I did have and what I do have now.


My guest Angela DeSousa and I talked more about Surrender, what it is and isn’t, and some of the tools you can use to find greater peace within in episode #4 of Coffee with the Universe.

P.S. You can catch LIVE shows and all the replays by going here:

And if the concept of surrendering to find more peace and joy in your life totally speaks to you, download the free Surrender Guide for some tips and tricks to get you started.